Chilling…into freakout

I’m not very good at being still. I’ve always had a racing mind and a worry cloud above-telling me to do better do more…do more better!!! or, feel real bad about not doing more better. This past month I’ve had to rest and I’ve got about another month of doing so…and my brain couldn’t be happier about taking this opportunity to point out all the things I should be doing. Despite the healing crystals, oils, candles and demeanor I can present of being at peace and one with life….my brain is 100% chaos. The thing is-when your brain has been like that for so long, chaos becomes your homeostasis…it’s become mine. So much so that when I’m actually relaxed-I freak out. Cool right?! My favorite highlight was when I did a float tank. One of the most relaxing things to do. I had my music cued up (not gunna lie, a lot resembled Enya), my pod was colored blue…and I let my body float. It was great for about 10 minutes. Then-I got sick. I threw up in the sink (I made sure to get my panic puke away from the pod because 1-ew 2-$1,000 fine). It wasn’t motion sickness or any other medical situation. Oh no-my awesome body had become so relaxed that it went into shock…because, it thinks “calm” is “threat crazy town high alert freak out.” I didn’t have the heart to tell anyone this beautiful pod experience made me sick….well, until sharing it on a public blog. Oh well, I meant no disrespect pod-I know you help others. Anyway…I’m trying not to go into shock relaxing now. It only takes ya know…an hourly “it’s ok to rest” talk to myself. Oh yea-and the star of my life and blog-my cat Johnny…she’s pretty great.

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